No matter how great of a leader you may be, there will be those who don’t listen to what you have to say. You may have a wealth of knowledge and experience to inform your advisements but all your qualifications in the world can’t make some people take good advice.
It’s easy to take it personally – but I’ve got some good reasons why you shouldn’t.
5 Reasons People Reject Good Advice
Now, there are plenty of reasons why someone might not listen. They might be lazy, unmotivated, delusional, and guilty of bad habits and mindsets. But I’m going to discourage you from passing those kinds of judgments. Not only can they sour a relationship, but I find erring on a charitable characterization is the better way to go about it.
Assume that people are trying to pursue the best for themselves. With that said, here’s why they might be rejecting your good advice:
Rejection Reason #1) The advice is unsolicited.
The number one reason people don’t listen to good advice is that they didn’t ask for it. It can be difficult to suppress the impulse to dispense advice when you have experience in the area or valuable know-how. But if your point-of-view wasn’t asked for, don’t give it. It’s okay to ask if someone wants some direction on their next steps but resist the urge to tell people what to do and how to do it unprompted. You may think you’re being helpful, and your advice may be perfectly sound, but you’re not talking to someone who wants to hear it.
Rejection Reason #2) Your relationship isn’t at that level.
Your relationship with the person in question makes all the difference in the world. People are much more likely to listen to advice that comes from those they know and respect. If you’re a virtual stranger, your knowledge and experience only lend so much credibility. Humans are relational creatures – and that makes us more likely to listen to people we know and like. The closer you are to someone, the more acceptable it is to offer your perspective on things.
Of course, any parent knows that that’s not always a guarantee that someone will listen, either!
Rejection Reason #3) They don’t see how it serves their best interests.
Sometimes people just can’t see the merit in your advice. You might not have sold it in a compelling way, true, but it’s also possible that their ambitions are just different than you think they are. If your advice is good – but not necessarily good for their goals or circumstances, chances are, they’re not going to take it. And that’s okay. It may not be the way you would do it, but that doesn’t mean it’s necessarily the wrong way.
Keep your audience in mind when you give advice. They may want different things out of their lives and careers than you do!
Rejection Reason #4) They’ve already made up their mind.
If someone comes to you about a problem, they don’t necessarily want or need you to solve it. In many cases, people already have an idea as to what course of action they’re going to take. Seeking out counsel after the fact isn’t so much about changing their mind or discovering alternatives and more about soliciting affirmation in their choices. This is natural.
You’re free to point out the merit in their plan (and do!) while also giving your own take. Just don’t be offended when they go along the path they already set their heart and mind on.
Rejection Reason #5) They might not be in a receptive headspace.
In a stressful of emotionally charged situation, people are a lot more likely to have some walls up. That means that your sound, well-intentioned advice may fall on deaf ears. Wounds may be too raw, emotions may be too high, and it simply might not be the right time to try to “fix” the situation by dispensing advice.
Sometimes people just need time. Allow them to have that time to allow for perspective and objectivity. Someone feeling intense emotions like anger, sadness, depression or even elation may not want to be brought to reality with practical guidance.
When giving advice, timing is everything!
What’s the one piece of advice you wished you’d listened to? Share in the comments!